It's not about love. It was never about love. It was a love at first sight situation; which has only grown stronger. But there comes a time when enough is enough. You've reached a fork into your journey and you can't stay along for the ride. He's always been a life-in-the-fast-lane kinda geeza - I always knew that. His boy racer ways were enticing at first but with kids it's now all a bit annoying. As painful as it is, I decided last Wednesday, after being left at the roadside with two kids, it's time to move on.
It was an article I wrote for Fourth Trimester Magazine that sparked it all off. A few Instagram DM's later and I'd found another British Asian mother who was pregnant out of wedlock. Her experience of " stress and crap thanks to family" caused a difficult first few months of pregnancy. Her wish to remain anonymous highlights the stigma that still lingers around pre-marriage pregnancies in parts of the Indian community. Whilst my experience was slightly different, I can relate to her feelings of what she describes as "stress and guilt". Here is her honest confession.
She's lovely, smart, down to earth, a mother to H, insanely beautiful (inside and out). When Jenny founder of Mamazou, a global hub for parents to feel human, isn't building her empire or being a mother, she's working at a small accounting firm. We asked her how she manages to give her 100% to everything.
When I first started Mummy + Nina I wanted it to be a place of reality on life as a young mother. That meant being totally honest with my experiences, good and bad. In a recent interview with Nicola (brains behind Too Much Mothering Information) we discussed life with two kids. Here's what she asked me:
There’s always that one person that trips during a degree ceremony. In our cohort of 2013 someone did fall, but I’m proud to say it was not me.
What to do when your child insists on running around naked? Or when they're sat in the middle of Costa singing the 'I love boobies' song (not sure where it came from, certainly not me. Children all reach an age where they are aware of their physical differences but have yet to understand their sexuality. Nicola Washington, the awesomeness behind Too Much Mothering Information, stepped up to the mark when I asked her at what point she would introduce privacy to her children.
Most, if not all, of us find being a new parent challenging. The late night feeds and inconsolable crying are demanding at best. I've always considered parenting to be like changing an aeroplane's engine whilst it's in flight. There is an expectation to provide constant service without any time to pause. 'It's a phase, it will soon pass' is often the reassurance we need to get through one more night until the next teething spell. But what happens when it isn't a phase? When you know it won't just pass? And you don't know whether your baby will survive?
10.30am: I admit defeat. Every. Single. Time. I say today will be different. That they wont be hypnotised by some sort of electronic device. But the truth is; I'm down to my last Hard Rock Cafe T-shirt, I've missed breakfast (again), and I can't remember the last time I enjoyed a shower in peace.
In a world abundant with parental literature we're constantly nose deep in the latest book; trying to figure out if, our barely 24-hour old baby, is a Textbook Baby, Spirited Baby or an outright Grumpy Baby. It can all be a bit daunting with so much conflicting material at our fingertips. Sometimes you just need to ask someone who has lived to tell the tale.
“I'm sorry, but we’ve had to clear the entire surgery schedule. Your husband has done more damage to his hand than expected and we’re not sure when he’ll be out. You’ll be able to see him once he’s woken up. Come back in an hour.” 6 and a half hours later I saw my husband being wheeled across the ward, groggy as hell and arm suspended in a foam sling. In the battle of man vs food, the avocado won in a Game of Thrones worthy slice to his right hand.